Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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