You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
