JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
