You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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