You can't motorboat a personality
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
