remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
jump out the window naked night went bad
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