I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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