p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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