Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
