hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
