I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so let's talk penis.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
