I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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