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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
