I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
