I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I need water and some morals
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
