Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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