She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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