I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
