I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
