I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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