Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
