we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
