Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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