You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
