i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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