she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
