Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
