I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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