Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
