google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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