He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm like, not good at living.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
