Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
