We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
