If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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