It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
