It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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