Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize