I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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