In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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