Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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