you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
