Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
