did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Less talking, more tequila
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
