and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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