Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
