I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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