i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
