Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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