Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
