Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
