Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The air was thick with penises
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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