Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Randomize
