I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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