I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
