I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
