sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
