We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
