Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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