I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you didnt know i had herpes?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
