Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
