its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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