I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
