i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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