WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
