Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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