i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
