people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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