He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize