I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They have beer where we have blood.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
