i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
