8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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