Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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