What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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