and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
cat food counts as protein by the way
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
PANTIES FOUND
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