Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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