i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
