Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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