Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
