1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
