So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
