So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
