Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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