Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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