stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
