I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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