dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
