I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize