If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
