Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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