How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my liver is dry heaving
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
