Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
