If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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