Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize