did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry my hands just texted you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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