Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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