I just pynch a tree in the face
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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