i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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