Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
