i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if only i could text you this smell
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
