So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
