Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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