i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
