Are we in a gay sports bar?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
