Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
